|
|
Tuesday, January 6th, 2009
|
|
Friday, September 12th, 2008
|
|
Thursday, June 12th, 2008
|
|
|
|
An important update...
Step four in Alice's journey to fame:
It is also a step in Kevyn's journey to fame, so if you haven't bought it yet... go get it and then blog about how great it is. That's what I'm doing.
Thing 1 aka Alice
|
|
Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
|
|
|
Are we paralyzed now? I feel mostly sleepy. I sense that co-worker is about to call me Kat, and if he does, by God, I will hurl this tape dispenser across the room at his skull.
Katie
|
|
Comments: Add Your Own.
|
|
Wednesday, April 30th, 2008
|
|
|
Dear Alice,
It is 11:24 a.m. and I am sitting at my desk at the Church Pension Group, sneezing. Because I have a cold. For breakfast I ate a Nutri-Grain bar and some chocolate. I tried to stop at Duane Reade before work to get some cold medicine, but it was closed--even stranger, between the front glass doors and the metal grate behind them sat three people and one dog. They appeared to be stuck, but I don't know how they got there in the first place. Now, looking back, I feel that it's possible I dreamed that.
I'm trying to read a book about the 1960 presidential election. It won a Pulitzer, but that doesn't keep it from being BORING.
I saw your play yesterday; it was hella awesome.
Anyway, I am writing this open letter because the last time this Live Journal was updated was in January. I still check it frequently to see if you've updated, and I'm curious if you do the same. I am curious if anyone checks this, ever. I don't want it to become lost to the Internet.
Ok, see you soon.
Katie
|
|
Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.
|
|
Thursday, January 31st, 2008
|
|
|
The last bite of the English Muffin I just ate looked like France.
I should have sold it on E-Bay.
Alice
|
|
Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
|
|
Tuesday, January 22nd, 2008
|
|
|
|
So as you’ve all been alerted, Katie and I are working on our big time movie script, but I thought you’d like to know a little bit about our roads to fame. I’ll start with my own and let Katie update on you all on hers. Here goes: - We decide to become famous.
- The very next day, a newspaper man takes a picture of Alice (and family) and prints their New Year’s Resolution in The Link of Long Branch and Monmouth Beach. People start recognizing the starlet all over the Two River area and praising her for her inspirational resolution.
- Alice is credited for her translation work on the short documentary “The Flowering of the Crone” at the Leonora Carrington exhibit in San Fransico. Calls start pouring in, requesting her beautiful translations of French texts.
So there you have it, folks. Straight to famous. In case anyone ever asks you how it got started, now you are armed with knowledge. Go forth and spread the good word of Fuze! Alice
PS. I'll post the clipping from The Link as soon as I can, I know you're all dying to see it.
|
|
Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
|
|
Tuesday, January 1st, 2008
|
|
|
Well, the inevitable has happened. This hilarious blog of ours has been contacted by a big-time Hollywood producer who thinks that we are capable of penning a major motion picture (Credibility check: are producers still referred to as "big-time Hollywood producers"?). This could not be less surprising to either of us, who started this blog with the fully realized knowledge that our combined wit, our keen glimmer of unadulterated talent, our girlish good looks, would take us to levels of fame heretofore unreached by humankind. How fortuitous that this offer should arrive on the first day of the year we pledged to make ourselves famous!
Keep your eyes on this Live Journal, world, because this is where history is literally being made.
In other news, I used to say "cut a bitch" all the time, and I haven't said it in a while. I should really pick that up again.
Ka2ie.
|
|
Comments: Read 4 or Add Your Own.
|
|
Saturday, December 15th, 2007
|
|
|
Not to be THAT girl but last night was I drunk and throwing up in a cab and at some point I hit my forehead against something hard enough to leave a bump today. I wish I could remember what that something was.
Also I would like to say that as a boyfriend, Adam Church is totally boss.
Katie
|
|
Comments: Add Your Own.
|
|
Saturday, December 1st, 2007
|
|
Friday, October 26th, 2007
|
|
|
|
The other night I went to Duane Reade after a long day at school to buy contact solution and a toothbrush. I found them both easily enough and the cashier lady was very friendly, telling me that she loved the toothbrush I chose, and that she'd been using it happily for five years.
When she smiled her teeth were brown and one of them was nearly falling out.
Alice
|
|
Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
|
|
Friday, October 19th, 2007
|
|
|
Oh, right, we have a live journal.
I don't like the manager I'm working with right now, because I have never seen an awkwarder person treat other awkward people with more disdain.
You know?
Katie
|
|
Comments: Add Your Own.
|
|
Saturday, September 15th, 2007
|
|
|
Kids, always remember to return your library books on time or to renew them in a timely manner. You really don't want to end up with fines like this one:
Blocks Number of Blocks: 4
Current Balance: $27.25
$27.25!!!!!!!!!
I don't spend that much money books I'm buying! $21 for ONE MOVIE!!!!! My god I'm a dumbass!
I wonder if this is how Brooke Astor became the NYPL's greatest benefactor--late fees. I fuckin doubt it.
Alice, of course. Katie isn't stupid enough to let something like this happen to her.
|
|
Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.
|
|
Tuesday, August 28th, 2007
|
|
|
So, I officially move into 3E on Saturday, September 1st, and I am bringing with me a cookbook I somewhat rashly bought on Amazon.com. The cookbook is rather adorably aimed at college students (indeed, its title is Cooking Outside the Pizza Box) and, though I have never been known for culinary "abilities" or what have you, I feel confident that I can manage at least a few of the recipes within.
So, here is what I suggest. The following is a list of possible dinners I can whip up, thanks to Jean Patterson and Danae Campbell, authors. I would like the readers of this live journal to vote on the most delicious (or edible), and then I will cook that meal for as many as can be served by it. This would also be the time to reserve a plate for yourself.
The meal will be followed by dance parties, and served with alcohol, I'd imagine.
These are the exact names the cookbook provides:
1. OLD FASHIONED HAMBURGERS WITH "THE WORKS." Serves 4 to 6.
2. PORTOBELLO MUSHROOM WRAPS WITH GARLIC MAYONNAISE. Serves 2.
3. BARBECUE CHICKEN (OR SHRIMP) PIZZA. Serves 4.
4. SKIRT STEAK FAJITAS. Serves 4.
5. TERIYAKI CHICKEN BREASTS. Serves 2.
6. POT ROAST WITH ONIONS, POTATOES, AND CARROTS. Serves 4 to 6.
7. SPICY CHILI (Perfect for feeding a crowd!!!! say Jean and Danae). Serves 4 to 6.
On a side note, Alice and I plan to have lots of Movie Days this year. For those not in the know (I think this would be just about everyone), Alice and I didn't do cool things in high school but would spend whole days eating food and watching movie after movie. This includes the one particularly memorable occasion when we stayed awake for roughly 24 hours watching only movies that starred Christopher Walken and/or Steve Buscemi. It was called Stevie and Ronnie Day, and it has subsequently gone down in history.
Anyway, Alice, we should watch The 10th Kingdom. It will take us a while, but it's (not) worth it.
Ok, I guess that's everything.
KC
|
|
Comments: Read 11 or Add Your Own.
|
|
Monday, August 13th, 2007
|
|
|
Did you guys ever sing/listen to The Hearse Song as children? Well I did, and I thought I'd share it with you all:
Don't you laugh when the hearse goes by
'Cause you might be the next to die
They'll wrap you up in a clean white sheet
And put you down about six feet deep
They put you into a wooden box,
And cover you over with earth and rocks.
It's not so bad for the first few weeks
Until your coffin begins to leak.
The worms crawl in, the worms crawl out
The worms play pinochle on your snout
They eat your eyes, they eat your nose
They eat the jelly between your toes
They eat your clothes, they eat your hat
They crawl in skinny, and crawl out fat
Your teeth fall in and your eyes pop out,
Your brains come trickling down your snout.
Then you turn disgustingly green
Your skin as slimy as whipping cream.
So next time you see the hearse go by
Watch out!
You may be the next (pause)
To (pause)
Die!
Alice (of course)
|
|
Comments: Read 6 or Add Your Own.
|
|
|
Since getting our books on Saturday, Kevyn and I have not stopped jinxing each other. Sometimes we have to make up the spells because they are only just referred to--the Bat Bogey Hex, for example, which I do by saying "Batbogify!" My most frequently used is "Augamenti". Nobody ever uses it when they're dueling, which disappoints me very much. I mean, how awesome would it be to be dueling with someone, and then to totally catch them off guard by spraying them with water?? Totally awesome!
However, this is also a very revealing game, as Kevyn has taken to using "Crucio" pretty much whenever. Also, he's "Avada Kedavra"d me at least four times. He claims he likes the Dark Arts just because Raph Fiennes is so awesome, but that seems a feeble excuse to me. I don't know what can be done.
So, Fuzeit lovers, what are your favorite spells?
Alice Longbottom
|
|
Comments: Read 5 or Add Your Own.
|
| Time: | 12:37 pm. |
| Mood: |  MADNESS. |
|
Hey guys. It's been exactly a month since our last Fuze. I don't really have much to say except that I hope the next four hours fly by because then it's time for Harry Potter MADNESS!!!!!!!
alice
|
|
Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
|
|
Wednesday, June 20th, 2007
|
|
|
Hillary Clinton almost tricked me into voting for her with this ever-so-clever campaign video that features Bill and a parody of the Sopranos finale:
http://defamer.com/hollywood/short-ends/and-starring-hillary-clinton-as-tony-soprano-270426.php
Funny! That is, until you realize that the video is actually a way to reveal Hil's campaign song, chosen by the American people who care about that sort of thing, and that the chosen song is "You and I" by Celine Dion.
Here's betting that Obama's campaign theme is 100x sexier.
(An old man came into the bookstore on Monday and asked where our political section was. He picked up a copy of Barack Obama's The Audacity of Hope and laid it on the counter.
"You know he's going to be across the street today, right?" the man said.
"WHAT!?!" I said.
"Yeah, you should display his book. Instant publicity," the man advised.
"I should just leave and go over there," I said.
"Well, that too," said the man.
I sent a couple euphoric text messages. I pressed the man for details about Barack's appearance, but all he could say was "That's what they're setting up for right now."
I began to realize that if Barack Obama was in fact appearing across the street from my bookstore, someone would have informed me by now. Further investigation led to no evidence whatsoever of anything being "set up for." I checked Obama's campaign website, and sure enough, at 1:45 p.m. on Monday the 18th, he was speaking somewhere in Iowa. Thanks, old man. Thanks for nothing.)
Katie
|
|
Comments: Read 5 or Add Your Own.
|
|
|
For those of you who don't know, I babysit regularly for 4-year old twins named Aga and Stella and their 2-year old brother, Oliver. (Aga is a nickname for Alexander, which was too hard for Stella to say as a baby. It has stuck lo these four years.) Yesterday I had to give them a bath. They have really cute towels for after bathtime, like this: www.sugarbearz.com/images/mullins_square/tubbie_puppy.jpg. So everybody gets out of the bath and I herd them into their bedroom to get dressed. As I'm putting Stella's clothing, Aga squeals "My PENIS!" This declaration alone was no cause for concern since the twins love to talk about their genitals (one time Stella told me "I have a bagina. Aga has a bagina"). However, it was when I turned around to tell him not to scream the word penis that the next, more troubling declaration came:
"My PENIS is sticking out!"
And sure enough it was. All he wanted to do was look at it. And then I had to dress him. It was pretty difficult to get through the rest of the day without crying/laughing every time I looked at him.
I'm never going to have a boy. I'm not planning on having children of any sort, but if there's some sort of unhappy accident, god I hope it's a girl.
Alice
|
|
Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
fuzeitorloseit's journal
Aaahhh!.
Incendio!.
dirty.